Oh My Throat!!

So. Side effects are hitting and they are not fun. At all. I have a deep, congested cough. Not awesome. And it's making my extremely sore throat even worse. 

I was told that chemo just wrecks the digestive system, beginning to end, and now I see what they are saying. I was really hoping to be one without any kind of mouth/throat sores, but no such luck.

You cannot imagine the pain of simply swallowing liquid! I don't even dare to swallow spit most of the time. I don't want to take any of my pills, which I need. I've got 2 news meds on board to deal with this unpleasant situation. I hope they work QUICKLY! Plus I have no taste buds. We've been getting meals from family, friends, and neighbors and I'm just going to assume they were delicious. 

This cold has knocked me on my butt. I could sleep all day long. Problem? My husband also has a cold and we have a very mischievous 2 year old. He can destroy things so quickly. Hard to rest when he's on the loose. Can we fast forward to bedtime?

Oh and I'm now scheduled for a new port next Monday, first thing. I hope everything goes smoothly so that I don't have to do IV chemo next Tuesday. 

Bills

It looks like 2 chemo infusions will pretty much wipe out my out of pocket for the year. Yikes! That's ONE chemo round! January expenses and done for the year. 

Feeling Ugly

At the end of this journey, I'm planning to print this blog as a journal. So I'll throw in some of the emotional reality.

I started strong. I still feel strong. But the chemo is taking its toll physically and, let's be honest, the results are not attractive. All of you can tell me that I have a good head shape for bald, but ladies, actually imagine shaving your head BALD. No matter the shape, it's not  a good look. And wigs...look like wigs. And scarves and hats without hair coming out of the bottom just tell everyone that you are sick. Sad but true. And wigs with hats over them are like tiny heaters on your head! I have a lot of cute hats and scarves, but there's just no way around it.

Next up, weight. I read and was told that most women gain weight during chemo. There are various reasons. It screws with your hormones, your mouth always tastes weird so you snack to cover up the taste, the meds given to help with nausea cause weight gain, then there are the steroids. And I wasn't going into this at my thinnest. My abdomen just feels bloated and huge.

I went to the store tonight and caught a glimpse of myself. I seriously looked like a clown. Oh, that could have also had a little something to do with the fact that I tried to draw on eyebrows for the first time today. Ugh. Wig, make-up issues, weight issues, and overall just not feeling normal. 

I'm trying to take the "make the best of it because there's nothing you can do about it" approach. Some days I just need to do a little more self convincing.

My 2 year old has his opinions too. If I wear a wig, he tells me to put it back in the box and get a hat! He's so cute. And he likes to put on my hats too. 

A Little Gift of Anxiety

I've had a pain in the neck the last couple of days. A literal pain in the front of my neck near the port tubing. I called my surgeon today just to be certain it wasn't anything serious. He said he wanted an ultrasound to rule out a problem. Well, there is a problem. A clot. In my neck. Maybe, hopefully, in the tubing. Now I get to try to hold still today and not swing my head around or anything crazy. I have an appointment with my surgeon for 9:00 tomorrow morning to have the port taken out. Sniff. I really liked the idea of a port! Looks like a lot of IVs are now in my future.

Updated: I guess the clot is not in the tubing. It's around the tubing, which is why they had a hard time accessing the port last time. He plan is to go tomorrow morning and have the port removed. Then, starting today, I take an aspirin a day and possibly other anticoagulants. In theory, my body will just reabsorb the clot and there shouldn't be an issue. But they'll keep checking on me?? I hope to have more specifics tomorrow. 

But they don't have to sedate at all. Just a simple office procedure. Maybe another port later and maybe not.

Days 5-7

So, days 5-7 haven't been my favorite. I've had several ask me how I am, so maybe I'll just throw this out there. 

Nauseous, tired, just sitting in sweatpants on the couch. Thankful for meals coming in, because I just can't face the kitchen. And thankful for those that take my kids away to play. Then I can rest on the couch without a 2 year old jumping on me.

I'm still a bit weirded out when I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror, hat or no hat. Wigs are not comfortable. 

I still have a whole week before the next treatment (Jan 20th) so I have hope for normal days.

I Love Zyprexa!

The new miracle drug does seem to be a miracle! I'm not feeling 100%, but NOTHING like last round. I'm awake, I can get out of bed and I can eat and drink. What an improvement! Still tired and a bit out of it, but that's ok. I'm just SO thankful that a doctor figured out that an anti-psychotic med could treat chemo nausea! Crazy.

Bye Bye Hair

And, it's done! Good thing my husband is so good at this haircut. We took a short stop at Mohawk land, since this was my chance to have one! And then it was all gone. And honestly, it's a relief. No more worrying about when it will fall out. No more cleaning up globs of hair everywhere. It's just done. And just think how quickly I'll be able to get ready now!

Chemo Round 2

Today I get a room with a bed. Last time it was a cubicle with a chair. I actually liked the chair better. I don't want to sleep so I'm just sitting in a regular chair for infusion. I like being able to look outside. In here it's like I'm in a hospital room. 

I was feeing sick last night and this morning, but they think it's anticipatory nausea. Next time I'll take meds for it. All of my labs looked perfect. They adjusted my meds a bit, adding one that's supposed to be a miracle worker for nausea. Oh I hope Zyprexa works!!

http://www.medpagetoday.com/HematologyOncology/Chemotherapy/32735

I'm in the middle of the infusion right now. Still not feeling good so they are getting me even more anti-nausea meds. Let's all cross our fingers that this round goes better than the first!

 

Chemo Tomorrow. Hope I'm Ready.

I'm not feeling so well tonight. Maybe it's my body predicting what's going to happen tomorrow. Or maybe I'm actually sick! That wouldn't be good. Everyone in the house was sick last time!

I know I keep talking about hair, but I'm SO ready to shave it. But I just don't dare! It is falling out like crazy!! I mean, it's really thin on the sides. But for some reason the top isn't as thin so I can get away with it. It's kind of like a combover but the top is covering the sides. 

Here's the frustration. I'm sick of being covered in hair! I'm sick of cleaning up hair! I'm sick of having hair in my food and on my pillow and all over the floor. At what point do you just say ENOUGH! It still looks ok, for today. But is that really worth the mess? I'm feeling that it's not. Tomorrow may be the big "head shave day"! We'll see how brave I am.

Day 17

I just carefully combed out my hair after my shower. I lost an equal amount in the shower. I wonder how many days I've got before I'll have to get out the hair clippers.

My scalp feels dry and itchy. I guess that's a sign that it's done with hair. I really need to sign up for the Look Good...Feel Better class soon. "Sponsored by the American Cancer Society, this class teaches female cancer patients beauty techniques to manage side effects of treatment such as hair loss. Participants receive a free cosmetics kit." And I heard it's like $100 in free make up! They teach you how to tie scarves, etc. I'm seriously going to this. I hope I'm not sick when the next one is offered.

Day 15

I've read in several places that hair loss starts around days 14-16. Today is day 15, and they were right! It was hard to shower, dress, or do my hair because hair was just falling out! You can't tell by looking at it, but if I run my hands through I'll end up with hair in my hands. Here we go.