A Break, Tests, Cleared for Surgery

May has been a nice break. I've had a couple of appointments: echocardiogram, blood work, mammogram, ultrasound, venous ultrasound, and one pre-surgery doctor appointment.  And the results from the tests say that my heart is normal, they can't find the little indicator that they put in the tumor in the beginning (which means the rumor is pretty much gone), I still have a clot in my jugular vein from the first port (but it looks stable??), and I'm cleared for my super long surgery on MONDAY! 

If I'm being honest, I'm terrified. I HATE surgery. I'm so worried that something will go wrong, or there will be a post-surgery complication, and I'll die. I'm also scared that the anesthesia won't work, even though I've had other surgeries and the anesthesia worked just fine. Totally irrational fears, I know. I asked my doctor if people die from this surgery and he said he's never seen a case where someone died. But I'm just worried. He did say I have like a 2% chance of getting a blood clot after surgery. And that's with the anti-clotting shots I'm going to have to give myself for a few weeks.

At the same time, I'm anxious to just get it over with! It will be one more phase done and one left go to. Well, one more of the "big" phases to go (radiation). I'll still have maintenance kinds of things for a while. 

Wish me luck and say a little prayer that all goes well.