Setting Things Up

Insurance. Cancer resource specialists. Schedulers. Did they fax my records yet? Is that the best doctor? Is that appointment soon enough? Who wants to watch a 2 year old??

The shock is wearing off a bit. But it still isn't real because I still feel like I did 2 weeks ago. How do you have cancer and feel normal? I hope the answer is "because you caught it early enough." 

I have my first appointment with a breast cancer specialist, with Huntsman Cancer Institute, next Friday morning. That was the first available appointment with any of their doctors at any of their facilities. Now I get to spend the next full week wondering and worrying and trying to enjoy my last week of normal life. Can you enjoy normal life in this state of mind? We'll see.

And has anyone heard of Dr. McGreevy? 

I have boxes of grapes that need to be juiced and tomatoes and tomatillos to bottle. I have time now but my mind to just so full of thoughts that I can't focus. I can't stop thinking through things.

I had a harder day today. It's because I'm worried about my kids. They need their mom constantly, right? I'm that mom that never leaves the kids. Never. I miss them if I spend one day away from them. I'm worried about how the change is going to affect them. My poor 2 year old. He doesn't like babysitters. He needs mom. He's going to have a really hard time. My 7 year old already seems overly emotional and I worry about how he's going to take the added stress. My 16 year old may act like he doesn't need mom, but he does. Jim's going to be under extra stress and in a house with 3 boys that are also under extra stress and need compassion and frankly some slack because of what's going on. I'm already worrying about all of this. 

I just want more info and I don't want to wait a week! I want to know how big it is, what stage it is, if it has spread, what treatment this type of cancer will need, how long I might be in the hospital for surgery and when. It's driving me nuts! I need an off switch for my brain.