The Results

This morning at 8:42, I received a call from my doctor's office.  The nurse let me know that my biopsy results were back and that my doctor was right there and wanted to speak with me.  I immediately knew what that meant.  The doctor doesn't need to speak with you if it's a cyst or a fibroid.  And he confirmed what I knew, it is breast cancer.

I was calm.  I was ready to hear it somehow.  I listened as he told me that breast cancer is very treatable and that from the limited information he had, it looked like we were catching it early.  He said that he hated giving me this news, but he really believed that we caught it early and reassured me that he believed I would be just fine.  My brain was kind of numb.  I have a million questions, but I know that they are really for an oncologist, not my family practice doctor.  

My main concern was getting this going quickly.  I know how important time is with cancer treatment.  My doctor said that he would have his nurses call the oncologists and see how quickly I could get in.  I'm waiting for them to contact me about that now.  

I got off the phone with the doctor and then talked to Jim.  He's been very helpful and supportive and wants to make sure he's doing what he can.  I HATE putting more stress on him.  He seriously works his butt off for our family already.  He's working 2 jobs and is gone almost 14 hours a day.  And now to add this to him just kills me.  The emotional and financial stress.  

I let myself cry for a few minutes but quickly got myself together.  I have my 2 year old here and I need to keep going with the day.  But there are so many concerns.

1. How am I going to tell my kids?!
2. How am I going to tell my family?
3. How are we going to pay for this?
4. How am I going to take care of a very, very busy 2 year old while going through cancer treatment?  
5. What is that treatment going to be like?
6. Is all of my hair going to fall out? 
7. What if the cancer has spread!!

My entire life has been one trial after another it seems.  If you know me well, you know the many trials I've faced.  I've dealt with it. I've tried to put on a brave face and keep going, especially for those around me.  

The one thing that I take great comfort in at this time is that fact that I have a Heavenly Father that knows me and loves me.  I am in his hands.  I have to trust him.  I don't feel like "why me?". I know there's a reason for the trials in this life.  I know what this life is for and why we are here.  I also know what's going to happen after this life.  I know what's important and what isn't.  I have to keep my focus on what's important.  I need to pray and be close to my Heavenly Father.  I know that I can find comfort.  I am so very thankful that my husband holds the priesthood and that I can receive blessings.  I absolutely have faith in priesthood blessings and in miracles.  I'm going to be just fine.